You're The Main Character of Your Own Life
by SuckerForMusicals
Summary: Kurt differentiates the New Directions members for Blaine using the Harry Potter universe. Pretty much how it sounds, just written for chuckles. Title sucks, I know. Could probably be rated lower but it's my first story and I don't want to get in trouble!


**A/N: Why hello world! This is my very first story on this site EVER! And the first time I've ever let anyone read any of my works. Except for teachers, when I had to let them read my crappy stories in middle school for marks. And my stuffed animals, to get their opinions - I mean...**

**My point is: please go easy on me. Especially because, even though I write a lot, I've never written anything like this before. To me, everyone in this fic is in character but who knows! Maybe I'm bad at judging that. So if they are not in character I truly am sorry and I look forward to any feedback.**

**Couple of notes about this story: I started writing this in March or so, during the 5 week break (man, that was a killer) after "Original Song" aired. So in my little world, Blaine and Kurt are together, Rachel and Finn made up, Quinn is learning to be a strong, independent, sane woman (I can dream, can't I?) and is running alone for prom queen. Oh and the stuff in "Born This Way" didn't happen but Kurt has transferred back anyway because he really missed his friends. And Blaine transferred too. I don't have a reason for it, I just wanted him at McKinley with everyone. Another thing - a bit of French is spoken and I put subtitles at the end. I took French through high school but I'm not an expert so if something's incorrect, don't shoot!**

**Okay, I think that's all I have to say. Sorry that was so long. I'm nervous so I feel the need to over-explain myself and my decisions. I guess that's why it took me so long to finish and post this story. That and I'm very meticulous with my writing. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

**Oh and I guess... ***I do not own Glee or Harry Potter. Or Starkid stuff.*** Pretty standard. Maybe I'll come up with something witty for the disclaimer on my next story. ;)**

* * *

><p>"So Kurt – what's the '411' on the New Directions?"<p>

The couple had been sitting together on the steps of the courtyard of McKinley High during their free period, just people-watching and holding hands, when Blaine suddenly asked the question. His boyfriend turned to him with a slightly bemused look.

"The '411'?" he repeated, and continued, deadpanned. "Um... we're a glee club. We sing songs at competitions...like the Warblers... except without the unfashionable uniforms and repetitive dance moves."

"I resent that," mumbled Blaine. "No, I mean what's the deal with the _members_ of New Directions. Now that I'm part of the gang you should really get me up to speed on all your friends."

Kurt looked out on the courtyard, surveying the crowd below, where he could see some of his teammates relaxing before the start of their next class. After transferring to McKinley not long after Kurt did, Blaine had auditioned for the school's glee club. Needless to say, his audition was a success and it didn't take long for the club to warm up to him; Blaine had always been quite the charmer.

"Oh, come on, Blaine," Kurt playfully bumped the other's shoulder with his. "You know who they are, they already introduced themselves. And we all hung out at Rachel's disastrous drunken party."

"Key word: drunken," Blaine reminded him grimly. "_Much_ of that party is still a blur. Except the kissing," he added with a shudder. "God, why is that one of the few things I can actually remember?"

"Shh, it's alright," soothed Kurt, patting his arm sympathetically. "The memory will go away in due time... I'll make sure of that…"

"But seriously," laughed Blaine. "Explain your friends to me. Their personalities, how they're connected to you. Preferably in a way I can easily remember. There _are _quitea lot of them."

Kurt stared off in the distance, absent-mindedly smoothing the wrinkles of his skinny jeans as he thought. Blaine loved it when Kurt was distracted. He could gape at his beautiful boyfriend all he wanted without Kurt noticing and blushing under his gaze. Or without Kurt slapping him – lightly, of course – when he was in a bitchy mood for "undressing him with his eyes." Yes, Blaine was thankful for non-slapping moments like these.

As Kurt considered Blaine's request, something glinted in the sun, catching his eye. It was the glare from Artie's glasses as the boy twirled in his wheelchair, dancing with Mike to a song Sam was strumming on his guitar. _Artie's glasses..._ That's when Kurt got his idea.

"Well..." he said slowly, "I guess I can use the _Harry Potter_ universe – since you're such a closeted Potter fangirl."

"Shh, not so loud!" Blaine hissed, glancing around. "I want the other glee guys to think I'm cool for as long as possible. If that secret gets out, I'll _die!_"

Kurt rolled his eyes, said, "Alright, tone down the dramatics, Blaine Berry," and smirked at Blaine's offended expression.

"So, first off," Kurt began, "every story needs a main character. In _Harry Potter_, that's Harry. And since you're the main character of your own life, that makes _you_ Harry. You are the hero of this story. Not to mention you kind of look like him, if you had glasses."

"Um, why are you explaining this to me like I'm five?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, sorry," Kurt apologized with a sheepish grin. "I live with Finn, remember?"

"Right. Fair enough."

"Speaking of which," he nodded towards said boy who had just entered the courtyard not too far away, arm in arm with his girlfriend. "Finn is your typical Ron Weasley: loyal, a good friend, not the sharpest one in the trio but he has his moments..." he trailed off, looking fondly at his brother.

After a moment, his eyes drifted to the male's companion, chattering and bouncing around him like a squirrel. "Now our dear Rachel Berry here is bossy and controlling. She's a pretty good student, not to mention she lacks a certain... attractiveness in her overall appearance." He sniffed haughtily at the sight of the girl's neon orange tights. "This, and the fact that she's dating Finn, would thus make her –?"

"Hermione Granger," Blaine promptly answered with a grin. "Obviously."

The words were barely out of his mouth when Rachel whipped around to stare in his direction. Her expression one of such indignation it could rival Hermione's any day, she shrieked, "_What did you call me?_"

Blaine's smile faltered and his eyes widened in panic as the diva marched over to where they sat, dragging a wary Finn behind her. Amused at the scene unfolding before him, Kurt couldn't help but chuckle.

"Uh... I didn't mean..." stammered Blaine.

"You called me Hermione Granger, didn't you?" Rachel demanded as she towered over Blaine. She stared down at him, hands on her hips, her foot tapping impatiently.

"How did you even hear that from all the way over there?" asked Kurt.

"Perfect pitch, sensitive ears." She brushed off the question without breaking her menacing eye contact with the curly-haired boy. "I am _nothing_ like Hermione Granger, how _dare_ you say I am!"

"Hey guys," Finn awkwardly said into the silence that followed Rachel's outburst, giving a half-wave. "What's up?"

Before Rachel could explode on him, Kurt explained.

"I'm comparing everyone in New Directions to _Harry Potter_ characters for Blaine's benefit." At this, Blaine offered a small smile of apology to Rachel. Kurt nodded at Finn and Rachel respectively as he continued. "You're Ron and you're Hermione."

"Sweet! I'm the comic relief!" Finn exclaimed. "Come on, Rach, you and Hermione are all, like, 'female empowerment!'"

He made a lame, half-hearted fist pump as he said this.

Rachel sighed in defeat. "I guess. And she certainly is talented. But she definitely does not have the astute fashion sense that I have."

Blaine and Kurt tried their best not to laugh.

"Do you want to help us?" Kurt's offer was sincere. "I haven't thought this whole comparison lesson through. I don't have characters for everyone yet."

"Sure!" Finn enthusiastically sat down next to Blaine. Rachel followed suit and settled on the jock's other side. "Hey wait – who's Harry?"

"Blaine, of course," Kurt answered. His impatience with Finn was flaring up already.

"Got it." A pause, then: "So you're Ginny, then?"

"What?" snapped Kurt.

"I just assumed because you're Blarry's boyfriend and I, Ron, am your very protective older brother." Finn threw what he clearly thought was a threatening glare at Blaine for a second, then said with a shrug, "If the shoe fits..."

"The shoe most certainly does _not_ fit, Finn!" Kurt shrieked over Blaine and Rachel's laughter. "The shoe is the wrong size, the shoe is too small! I am not a girl!"

"They make shoes for girls with big feet too..."

"Finn!" Kurt lifted his chin and turned away from his brother. "I retract my offer – you are no longer allowed to help."

"Kurt," Blaine reasoned, as Finn made a small noise of disappointment. "You're smart, strong-willed, and have _quite_ the attitude. It's settled – you're Ginny... the Tigger to my Winnie," he added with a kiss, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

"You watch too much Youtube," Kurt retorted, but he was beaming. "Fine. You're too cute to argue with anyway."

And with that, they started kissing. Rachel sighed at the sight as her head filled with romantic thoughts. Finn was less pleased and tried a few obnoxious coughs. The kissing didn't stop.

"Moving on!" he said, voice booming, and the couple broke apart from embarrassment.

"Oh, right, um..." Kurt babbled as he struggled to regain his composure. He glanced around and saw Lauren enter the courtyard, Puck tagging along behind her like a puppy. "I would say Puck is Bill, the oldest Weasley brother. He's supposed to be pretty cool in the books, right?"

"But Bill no longer goes to Hogwarts. He's way older than Harry and the others," argued Blaine. Rachel nodded eagerly.

"Yes, Blaine, you are correct," she approved in her controlling tone. "And while Noah tends to perform acts that are by no means moral or legal, Bill was a prefect and Head Boy in his years at school."

"Minor details," said Kurt, brushing off their logic with a wave of his hand.

He then noticed Santana leaning against a wall not far off from Puck and Lauren. Her face, pointing at the unusual couple, held an expression of deep disgust.

"Lauren and Santana are the Weasley twins."

There were sudden shouts of disbelief and indignation. Kurt's comment had struck a chord with the other people-watchers. All eyes were now on him and he instinctively leaned away, mildly concerned for his safety from their apparent outrage.

"What?" he simply asked.

The answers came simultaneously.

"So many things wrong with that, dude."

"I cannot _believe_ you would assign such lovable characters to such downright horrible people!"

"Seriously Kurt – did you even read the books?"

"Alright, calm down Potter-maniacs," Kurt said. Feeling the need to defend his decision, he went on. "Fred and George are sneaky and always up to no good. And they have a bit of a mean streak. So ... so _there_." He crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow to form his best you-know-I'm-right-so-don't-even-bother-_trying_-to-argue face.

But they argued anyway.

"That would mean both Fred and George fooled around with Bill," Finn informed him, then looked horror-struck as this idea slowly sunk in. "Ew – incest! Times two!"

"Oh, grow up, Finn!" snapped Kurt.

As if to prove Finn's point, a make-out session began between Puck and Lauren. Kurt huffed in annoyance as he couldn't help but picture two redheads going at it.

"And they don't exactly get along as well as the twins do, do they?" Blaine frowned as, out of nowhere, Lauren flipped Santana the bird, all the while not taking her eyes – or lips – off her man.

Before Kurt could respond, Rachel jumped in.

"Not to mention Santana is pure evil," she seethed, glaring daggers at the girl.

"So my comparisons have flaws!" Kurt burst out. "You are all just nitpickers. This is why I don't watch the movies with you."

"Bro, they're so confusing!"

"I agree, they don't include nearly as much information as they should to inform the average movie-goer."

"I'll say it again: I could play a _much_ more convincing Harry."

He ignored their comments and the argument died. The atmosphere turned awkward and silent once more, though this didn't last very long; Brittany had just wandered past them with a small smile on her face and a vacant look in her eyes, wearing her fur hunting hat and "arm warmers." Blaine was the one to voice everyone's thoughts.

"Luna?"

"Luna," the other three muttered and nodded in agreement.

"And Quinn is definitely Flerr Della-core," Finn said, eyes drifting towards the potential prom queen who was putting up posters in an effort to win the title.

"_Fleur Delacour_, Finn – _Fleur Delacour_," Kurt stressed in his French accent, and only Blaine could hear him exasperatedly breathe the word "Américain."

"And _why_ exactly is Quinn equivalent to Fleur?" Rachel interrogated him with an intense look.

Finn froze momentarily, but quickly recovered.

"Because… she's... a bitch?" Rachel chose to ignore the question in his voice and smiled victoriously.

"Quel idiot!" whispered Kurt so only Blaine could hear him. "Il a presque fait une erreur. Il a _dit_ qu'elle est méchante, mais il _pense_ qu'elle est belle."*1

Surprised and amazed by the unexpected change of language, Blaine inadvertently gave his best Confused-Finn-face.

"The only word I got out of that was 'idiot'," he admitted, prompting Kurt to throw up his arms in frustration and exclaim, "La langue française est morte en Amérique!"*2

Blaine tried to roll his eyes but couldn't help grinning instead.

"Anyway," he continued. He noticed Artie, Mike, and Sam spending as much time possible goofing off before the inevitable bell. "What about them?"

"Oh, well they'd be the other Gryffindors, wouldn't they, Kurt? Y'know – Dean, Seamus, Neville…" Finn looked around for reassurance. Kurt nodded, eyes transfixed on the trio, an odd expression on his face that Blaine couldn't quite read.

"Kurt…?"

Kurt looked up, breaking his intense gaze along with his train of thought to find Blaine watching him, waiting for him to speak his mind.

"It's just…" Kurt started. "It's fitting… for them to be Gryffindors, I mean. The three of them stood up for me in the locker room… all those months ago…"

Blaine felt Finn shift slightly next to him. From the corner of his eye there was no denying the guilt and the shame that twisted his facial features. He filed the sight in the back of his mind; he'd get more on that story later.

Rachel must have noticed too, since what she said next was: "You know we'll always be here for you, don't you, Kurt?"

Kurt was shocked at this blunt reassurance, not to mention a bit ashamed himself; he hadn't meant for the trip down memory lane to be a guilty one. He smiled warmly at them all. His answer – "Of course" – was barely more than a whisper. Then clearing his throat of all non-sarcastic emotion, he shrugged off their gazes.

"I suppose if I absolutely _have_ to be Ginny, then Sam would be Dean," he deadpanned. "Since I did once have a crush on that tall, handsome Gryffindor."

"But with that logic you're saying your crush on Finn is equivalent to Ginny crushing on Ron," Blaine pointed out, wiggling his eyebrows at Finn.

"Eeeww, guys!" Finn whined. He shut his eyes tight and began vigorously rubbing them with his fingers. "You're totally ruining my favourite series!"

The rest of his protests were cut off by the bell ringing, warning them that class would soon begin again. The group's laughter at Finn's discomfort turned to grumbles.

"We better get moving," Rachel "suggested", being the first to rise off the steps. "With grades and attendance records such as mine, I can_not_ afford to be late."

The others followed her into the building, lagging far behind to finish their game.

"Oh, oh!" Finn exclaimed, displaying extreme levels of volume and excitement neither usually found in nor appropriate for the average high school hallway. "Mr. Schue! Do Mr. Schue next!"

Trying his best to ignore the strange looks he was now receiving from other students, Kurt rounded on the clueless boy who was obviously unaware of what he had just said.

"_Finn!_" he hissed. "Lower your voice. And _please_, for the love of dead God – _think_ before you speak. I know that's a difficult task for you…"

"What?" was Finn's brilliant defense. "Whaddido?"

"Mr. Schue seems like the same type of parental figure as Sirius Black," said Blaine perceptively. "He cares about us and can be responsible when he wants to be. But then he tries to go all buddy-buddy on his students."

"Whoa, good call dude," Finn nodded. "That totally happened in our 'Toxic' routine. It was pretty creepy actually…" His sentence faded off as he thought about this. Then grinning slyly, he added, "You should have seen Kurt, though. And you thought he had trouble being sexy. I can't _believe_ you fell for that bull…"

"Fell for what now?" Blaine managed to whip his head around quick enough to see a panicked stop-talking-now expression splattered on Kurt's face before he had time to wipe it off. "You made that up?"

"Hi Tina! Hi Mercedes!" Kurt squeaked while waving frantically at the two girls passing them in the hallway. The girls offered them confused waves as Blaine smiled and nodded in his irritatingly polite way. The distraction was all for naught.

"Yeah, we are definitely talking about this later," Blaine said through his fake smile. He was admittedly more amused and turned on than annoyed by the news of having a sexy-competent boyfriend.

"Mercedes equals Molly, Tina equals Dobby," muttered Finn, checking off his fingers. Stares prompted him to continue. "Well, Mercedes is kind of motherly and Tina is quiet and loyal…"

"Run out of Hogwarts students, did we?" laughed Blaine. "What about Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil?"

Finn shrugged. "Oh. I guess that makes sense."

"There is one more main student we forgot," Kurt said. "Malfoy."

"The comparison's obvious, isn't it?" Blaine asked, voice full of bitterness. "McKinley's number one bully: Dave Karofsky."

Finn snorted. "You guys are giving him way too much credit. He's more Crabbe or Goyle than anything."

Blaine high-fived him for that.

They all laughed at Finn's quip until Kurt felt a pair of large hands roughly press into his side. Before he knew it, his back had endured a painful meeting with the closest wall, and it was enough to take his breath away. Dizzy from the brick's additional smack to his head, he was dimly aware of the floor moving closer to unpleasantly greet him. He heard shouts and didn't realize he was on the ground until Blaine was crouched down in front of him.

"Kurt – hey, Kurt."

Blaine's voice was gentle, laced with worry. He took in the sight of his boyfriend on the ground – eyes unfocused, breath laboured – and cursed softly. Finn's curse was not as soft and much cruder.

"Karofsky – what the hell, man!" he yelled. "He could have a concussion now! We might have to take him to the hospital!"

Kurt's eyes were closed now to cope with his dizziness, but it was as though he could see the scene play out before his mind's eye.

Karofsky turned to face them from where he had been strutting down the hall, leaving behind the mess he had caused.

"Yeah, well I probably did everyone in this whole damn school a favour – "

"Blai… grab Ron…" Kurt wheezed.

"Wha –?"

"– nice change to have a few days without a fuckin' fairy flitting around the place."

Blaine was glad he had just managed to hear Kurt's quiet request over Karofsky's jabbering. He spun around and practically lunged as Finn tried to chase after the bully. As challenging as the height difference made it, he managed to stop Finn and eventually calm him down. By then Karofsky had gone off snickering.

"Finn – come on, leave him," Blaine reasoned. "Help me with Kurt."

Finn eyes widened slightly with guilt. In his rage he had momentarily forgotten about the injured boy on the floor. Together the two of them helped Kurt stand up and let him lean on Blaine for support as he was a bit unsteady. Finn took out his phone.

"Don't you dare, Finn," Kurt threatened with a glare. It didn't have the same effect with his mouth twisted in a grimace of pain.

"Kurt, I don't care what you say, I'm calling Dad about this. Your head injury could be more serious than you think and I just don't wanna lose –" Finn looked at Kurt intensely as though afraid he would disappear. Realizing he had stopped speaking, he swallowed hard and gave his head a quick shake. "I just want to make sure you're alright."

A sigh of defeat. "Fine. But I'm not happy with you." Blaine was pretty sure he saw the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come.

Kurt stared down the hallway now completely void of students. He understood vaguely that the second bell must have rung, but didn't remember hearing it. Maybe he _had_ hit his head harder than he thought. But that wasn't what he was concerned with at the moment.

"Maybe…" Kurt started. He tried again, voice lower so only Blaine could hear him. He didn't have to worry – Finn was already talking angrily into the phone. "Maybe Karofsky really is Malfoy."

Blaine forced out a laugh in shock that Kurt was even _thinking_ about something so trivial, given the circumstances.

"I'm serious," Kurt went on. "He's mean, sure, but not exactly evil. I don't think so anyway. More confused… scared… thinks and acts horribly because that's all he knows, all he's grown up with…" He let out a frustrated sigh, closing his eyes. "I don't know."

Blaine pulled Kurt closer at the waist, giving comfort but not wanting to jostle his head. He placed his free hand lightly on Kurt's cheek. Kurt opened his eyes and gazed lovingly back.

"Hey," Blaine spoke softly. "I'm sorry. I really am. About all this. Just… try not to … think about it too much," he finished lamely. That made Kurt smile.

"If it makes you feel better," Blaine tried in a lighter tone, "I would pull out my wand and use 'Stupefy' on him if I could. Though he probably wouldn't need it."

Kurt raised an eyebrow at his chuckling boyfriend.

"You sure you would make a better Harry, Blaine? Because that's a Stunning Spell – it doesn't make one dumb."

"I – yeah, I – Kurt, it was a joke. It was funny," Blaine defended, but the doubt could be heard in his voice. Kurt refrained from rolling his eyes so as not to give himself a bigger headache.

"Just wondering but… this 'pulling out your wand' business…" Kurt said in a low voice, smiling slyly and wiggling his eyebrows, wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck. "You going to do that anytime soon, Anderson?"

Blaine stared wide-eyed at Kurt, mouth slightly open. He let out a shaky breath.

"You know, as creepy as it was for your _brother_ to call you sexy, I have to say – " His eyes darted down to Kurt's lips and back up to his eyes. " – I completely agree."

And he kissed him.

* * *

><p><em>French Translations:<em>

_*1 __What a fool! He almost made a mistake. He said that she is mean, but he thinks that she is beautiful._

_*2 __The French language is dead in America!_

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my goodness. It's done. I actually posted and people have now actually read my story. Wow.<strong>

**Well I hope you liked it. It's nothing inspiring or life-changing. Just meant for a good chuckle. Writing is therapeutic for me. When I'm down I write depressing crap, when I'm up I strive for something to lift others' spirits. Actually sometimes I write that stuff when I feel down too.**

**Just for fun, I was thinking about the other characters in Glee and, though I didn't have a reason to incorporate them into my story, I figure this would be how they match up with the HP characters:**

**- Mean-but-not-evil Sue is Snape while Crazy Sue is Bellatrix. Or maybe the Whomping Willow.**

**- Figgins is Cornelius Fudge – completely incompetent**

**- Emma is... not sure. Probably some cute and quiet Hufflepuff.**

**- Coach Bieste is Hagrid – first impressions can be deceiving (Though I don't mean to compare the actress in any way. Aw now I feel bad.)**

**- Rory Flanagan is Colin Creevey – the cute tag-along side**

**- Jacob Ben Israel is Colin Creevey – the not-so-cute stalker side**

**- Burt and Carol are Mr. and Mrs. Weasley – The greatest parents in both universes!**

**- Sebastian is Cormac McLaggen – total creeper**

**Anyway, thanks for reading! It means a lot to me. And I promise when I post another story my A/N won't be this long again. (*laughs embarrassedly, then hides face in pillow*)**


End file.
